Well, I’ll start with the good/positive…

* I definitely like the community and spiritual home I’ve found at Church of the Ascension and am in process of officially transferring my membership there. This could be simple – I think technically Holy Apostles still has my stuff as COTV admitted they were “bad with paperwork” so that would just be a transfer of letter – or it could just involve me giving them some dates like baptism and confirmation. We’ll see what happens.

* Yoga is still going well. I really love the sangha (community) at Modo Yoga NYC. It is a warm, happy place to be.

* I’m getting some good ideas for 2016 travel – specifically Winter Break and then something over my birthday. Nothing firm yet, but I’ve got some good thoughts of things I want to look into.

* I am excited that I fly to Ottawa on Friday for the half marathon on Sunday.

And…that’s about all the positive I’m seeing right now.

Then there’s the rest of it.

Which largely boils down to running – or just not feeling it. I do feel some guilt writing about it (and honestly even feeling this way) as I know plenty of people who are injured and unable to run, but I need to be honest in here.

And frankly, I’m just not that into running right now.

I started feeling this way while training for Goofy. I figured it was just all the back to backs and increased mileage that was doing it. I swore that that full was my last full ever. I figured that when it was over, I’d take a couple of weeks and then get back into it. And then winter happened – about two months of having no solid, non-icy ground to run on and when the ground was sort of clear, it was bitterly cold. Then my PF flared and that limited training.

I was excited about Run the Bluegrass because…well, because horses. Then the PF flared and I wasn’t able to run that one.

Got the PF under control again so I could train for Ottawa. And found myself doing only my long runs on Saturday and just doing Modo (Flow or otherwise) the rest of the week. I joked this was going to be my training plan for Ottawa, and it turned out really to be. I had all the reasons to justify it – not the least of which is the true fact that to jump back to three or four days a week would likely cause more issues than NOT doing it and not really having a goal for the half besides finish seemed like the best option. I’m good with that. And like I said, I AM excited about Ottawa (though honestly how much of that is just going to Canada and how much is the race is anyone’s guess).

I guess I figured that after Ottawa I’d gradually start ramping up my mileage, but the more I think about it, the less I really want to run. And I’ve got too much invested in things now money-wise to NOT do things I’ve got planned.

Hartford… I’d be not only out the registration fee (not horrid), but also my hotel because I did the non-refundable pre-pay thing I’ve done the past two years. The train I could probably get an e-certificate for future travel. But still, that’s around $400 all together.

Wine and Dine… We all know the prices for Disney races is super high. The room could be refunded, but then there’s the airline ticket I’ve already purchased. The saving grace on this one is I get to hang with my friend from Jill Alaska 2014, and we’re pretty much both on the same page of “let’s just have fun and enjoy ourselves…and EAT and DRINK!!” so that weekend won’t be a total loss.

But the big bugaboo is Alaska 2015. THAT is where the big bucks are as – though if I was cruising not with the group I COULD still cancel and not lose it all – I am 19 days beyond where I could cancel and get most of my money back. Now it’s I’d lose ALL OF IT. Plus the already bought airfare – though I’m sure for a fee I could convert those tickets to other trips. But there’s no way I can afford to lose the cost of the cruise. So I’m stuck. And really less than excited about it now. Maybe I should have skipped a year – I don’t know. I was excited about it. But it seems like everything including the “running is not fun” thing are all falling into this big hole together.

And…I’m just not happy with the thoughts and ideas of it – and I’m not sure if “it” is *just* hating running right now or if there’s more going on there. I actually pretty much cried myself to sleep last night, and I haven’t done that in YEARS – like since before the turn of the century.

So… There it is. Welcome to my world.

I wish I understood it better because right now I’m really not sure what to do…


One thought on “Spirals…

  1. Beth
    I hope you are enjoying Ottawa. Maybe you are feeling more positive about running after the race. Or, maybe your body/mind is telling you its time to take break from running. You have accomplished a lot – but the PF is a signal that your body would appreciate a rest. I had a similar experience in the 90’s after I pulled a tendon during a marathon. I took a break for several years and eventually got interested again – although I am now on another hiatus. It’s great to have a ‘just enjoy it’ attitude for the events that are set. But don’t feel bad about how you are thinking. Interests, priorities and circumstances change, and if you never ran again you have a lot of memories and medals as a reminder of how much you have accomplished.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s